It's Halloween: so go to Spain for £50?

Halloween is not only the day when American children become institutionalised door-to-door beggars (presumably to prepare them for walking to Congress cap in hand when their future banking careers turn sour), but it's the day when marketing people have to come up with monstrously bad puns to promote something or other.

The winner of this year's imaginary Squashed Pumpkin Award goes to Easyjet for its 'Spooktacular offers'. Obviously it wouldn't merit a mention but for the fact we've got an inset day coming up and can fly to Madrid and a host of other destinations for a long weekend for £50 return each, all-in (no bags). At that price the temptation is caldronically* hard to resist.

Easyjet's spooktacular offers

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*Sorry.

How to survive the credit crunch

I've written a book.

Now, I'm well aware that the only thing of any importance is exactly how dead Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross will have to be before everyone is properly satisfied that they're sorry, but I have managed to get 33,000 words more or less in the right order. And that's some achievement. And there's some jokes in it.

How to survive the credit crunch is on sale now.

Find out more .

Money experts: your questions answered

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Shopping vouchers

Regular readers of Not Work may have established that I'm not a fan of shopping vouchers. The idea that time is of so little value you can afford to spend it searching for 20p off shopping you didn't know you wanted until you realised you could get it 20p cheaper than before, is a worrying state of affairs.

As the tentacles of credit crunch-related misery reach further into the economy, many companies are using this marketing tool to spread the word with carefully placed discounts. Occasionally, there's a gem. But I still don't buy it.

Not everyone agrees. If you don't, here's our selection.

Latest shopping vouchers

By Richard Browning

Make money from your car: turn it into a billboard

If you drive a car and don't care too much about your image, the best thing you can do is get an old, unpopular, ugly car that was made by communists. Something like an Austin Allegro, preferably a brown one. Or one of these Tata Nanos, the world's cheapest car.

If it's too late to heed this tip and you've shelled out for a run-around you're having trouble affording, the next best solution maybe to sell your body to the advertising industry. Car body, that is.

You can earn up to £1,500 a year buy turning your car into a mobile billboard. If that sounds like it's up your street, this is worth a read:

How to make money from your motor

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Rogue anti-spyware: how to avoid it

The hateful work of cyber-scum hellbent on infecting our PCs with spyware and viruses shows no sign of abating. And often if we notice something amiss on our screens, the first point of call is Google. This is not necessarily a good idea as it this may lead you into the hands of another bunch of rogues who'll try to take your money for clean-up software that at best is a rip-off of an established brand.

If you do feel under attack, you should check out the exhaustive list of rogue anti spyware from Spyware Warrior.

Rogue anti-spyware

and its:

Trustworthy anti-spyware

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Commuting doesn't need to be this bad, there are tax breaks for cycling

"The train arriving on platform 4 is the London Victoria service. This train is formed of four coaches, which we realise is only half a train. As a result our revenue protection officers will be passing through the train, naked, and apologising individually, in handwriting, to every passenger while handing out 50% refunds, in cash, before spending the rest of the journey, towards the middle of this half-a-train, dangling from meat hooks, where you will be invited to prod them at your leisure with rolled up copies of Metro. That's how sorry we are."

But they're never sorry. Not really. And the only way to beat commuter misery is to not use public transport. If you don't mind running the odd gaunlet of bovine-headed motorists and pedestrians and you promise to obey traffic lights, then your bike is the answer.

And there are tax breaks if you do. Check out

Why cycling is good for your wealth

Archive

Affordable Dutch bikes

£4 refunds for all delayed Tube passengers

The Wire, season 1 for £15 and a brilliant DVD comparison tool

As 2008 progresses I realise I'm gradually becoming part of a minority group that by Christmas, if I don't act, will consist of just one person: me. You see, I haven't seen The Wire.

It is, I'm told, the TV show that has ruined television for ever. It is so good, apparently, that you'll never be able to watch anything again that lives up to it.

Nothing can live up to hype like that but now the first series is available on DVD for £15, it may be worth seeing what all the fuss is about.

Check it out on Find-DVD.co.uk, one of the best price comparison tools we've seen.

http://www.find-dvd.co.uk/D025394.htm

By Richard Browning

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Geordie special: southern stotties and £67 to Amsterdam - for 2!

Great news for expat Geordies - Asda is doing stotties in some of its south of England stores. However, if anyone anyone from Asda is reading this, they're not real stotties - are they! Come on.

And more great news for Geordies, particularly those still living in the North East...

DFDS seaways is offering 2for1 on its mini cruise to Amsterdam. It's the overnight ferry both ways but you get a bedroom in the price and a City tour. Worth a look

Mini Cruise £67 - 2 for 1

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(Discuss stotties with sausage makers - it's true)

Where to find all the best free software

The World Wide Web is a web all right. A vast empire of information from the incredibly useful to the anarchically pointless. Finding what you want can be a tiresome process. So it comes as a huge relief when finally among all the automated directories you find one that has been painstakingly put together and is useful for everyone.

One such directory is Gizmo's tech support alert. It features a round up of the best free software with reviews and links to all those programs that can make life at your PC that little bit safer and more entertaining.

Check it out here:

http://www.techsupportalert.com/

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True (ish) cost of running a car

The price of petrol is coming down. It's fickle this oil market. But it costs more than petrol to run your car and there's little evidence that tax is falling or mechanics are charging any less.

If you have no idea what it costs to run your car, or have preferred not to acknowledge it, maybe it's time to take a look at these handy what it costs to run your car tables from the RAC. If you're coming in at more than £100 a week, maybe it's time to reassess - and walk.

Of course there are other breakdown services, many a lot cheaper than the RAC.

Find breakdown insurance

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Car loans anyone?

70% (up to) sales at Debenhams, House of Fraser

'The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase: "And now a word from our sponsor."' Hal Eaton, who? said that, according to my book of quotations.

Well, I'd like to add to the debate another couple of equally ambiguous terms from the advertising industry: 'Up to' and 'from'. See those and it usually means 'come and waste an awful lot of time rummaging through tat we can't sell because no one in their right mind would want it - and if you find the one thing at the 'up-to-from' discount, congratulations, you've won the prize.'

But times are hard and retailers are struggling. It with this in mind that I mention two department stores that have sales with discounts of 'up to' 70%. Worth a look.

http://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/

http://www.debenhams.com/

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£3 off Top Gear Live, see the TV show for free

"Car heaven just got better," apparently. So says the publicity for the the MPH Prestige and Performance Motor Show - featuring Top Gear Live. 

The top price tickets at £105 and £56 are sold out - no economic crisis among car enthusiasts then - but there are plently of places left at £38. Or £35 if you use this code: M007 when you book.

The show takes place in London from 30 October to 2  November and Birmingham 13 to 16 November. Book by calling 0871 230 7150 or via the website:

http://www.mphshow.co.uk

If £35 is still too much, you can see a recording of the Top Gear television show in the 'sudio' in Surrey - for nothing. It's on Wednesdays at  2pm on 29 Oct, 5 Nov and 12 Nov.

http://www.applausestore.com/applausestore-book-show.php?id=15&bid=3

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Save £72 off a fancy Samsung 5* 20" monitor

The electronics industry, particularly the computer sector, has a habit of keeping everything at the same price. Time was desktop computers were always £1,000 with all the peripherals. Just when it looked like price was coming down, they'd invent a new operating system or processor or software package to keep the price the same.

That's changed and things are a lot cheaper. The same goes for flat wide-screen monitors, which have come down in price significantly so they're all around the £120 mark.

If you haven't made the leap from 17" to 19", or 20" this may be a reason to think about it: a Samsung SM2032BW 20"TFT Monitor Widescreen 1680x1050 3000:1 300cd/m2 2ms VGA/DVI-D Glossy Black 3 Years Onsite Warranty for £120 down from £192.

It's got one of those glossy screens, which may be a problem if it's placed where there is a lot of reflection but, more importantly, it's backed by a manufacturer's three-year warranty, which means they're serious about what they do.

It also gets top marks from 70 reviews and delivery is free.

Check it out.

http://www.ebuyer.com/special/1708?eblt=product_3

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£1m wine (and banking) clearout now on

Well who'd have thought? Bankers are scum after all - extraneous matter that rises to the surface after a storm. At last for people looking for someone to blame over the credit mess, the clearout has started.

Although there's no predicting the depths to which human stupidity can reach, here's hoping this marks the start of a new era in banking.

So let's raise a glass to that and take a quick look at somewhere else having a clearout: the Daily Mail wine club. There's £1m of quality discounted wine ripe for ordering before the pre-Christmas rush. Many cases are less than £50. Check it out...

Daily Mail wine club sale now on

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Lapland for £55

If you are getting tired of the all the news with mind-bogglingly huge sums of money that are starting to mean less and less the bigger they get, and if the stupidity of the world's bankers has always left your head in a spin, here's something equally beguiling to mess with your head:

There's a Lapland in Kent!

It's strictly for families who may be considering popping up to the real Lapland to meet the main man in the run-up to our first real Credit Crunch Christmas - and who want a cheaper alternative.

Having said that, it's not particularly cheap. But at £55 a head, it's a lot less than the £400+ it costs for a day trip to the one near the North Pole. And it snows. This video explains all.

http://www.laplanduk.co.uk/

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Sort your finances part 2: pay off your plastic

Who needs money when you can swap stuff?

Ho hum. Another day, another lukewarm reception to a multi-billion-pound bailout. Where's it going to end?

This latest cheeky nudge at trying to get banks to start trusting each other enough to move money around is, to use an appropriate gambling cliche, the last throw of the dice.

There is no plan B. If it doesn't work, what's next?

Think about it. If the money flow completely dries up and banks close their doors, if your salary is paid into your bank account you'll no longer get paid. As cash reserves start to dry up no one can buy anything. If no one can buy anything shops close, companies that make stuff close and everyone loses their jobs, meaning there's even less money around. Quickly, all the service sector jobs go as people realise they don't need their nails done every week and pressure on local councils is so intense they all go on strike. Why not? They're not being paid anyway; there's no money.

Gradually having children becomes a purely financial decision and with an average of one child per couple the population halves in a generation. There are no brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins. But it's still too dear. People stop having children all together. There's a pathetic attempt at civil war - people are hungry, tired and don't have guns. The population dies out. The end.

Or something like that.

(I forgot the bit about the grey squirrels finally taking over).

If you feel you want to prepare for a money-less society you may want to take a look at the Freecycle website. It's a place for passing on things you don't want to other people that do.

Sadly, I can't see anyone on Freecyle trying to get rid of a lack of confidence in the banking system, so hopefully the latest £500bn injection will do the trick.

http://www.freecycle.org/

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Financial news, the like of which we've never seen before

Most expensive stuff in the world

As an antidote to the ongoing collapse of the Western economy let me introduce today the blog: The MOST EXPENSIVE journal.

Have you ever wondered what's the most expensive dog? What's the most expensive car? Guitar, phone, restaurant, grapes, trailer park... the list goes on - even the most expensive share price.

If you want to spend an entertaining lunchtime away from the gloom, click on over to Most Expensive and see what kind of things people were spending stupid amounts of money on until a few weeks ago.

The most expensive plectrum? It's made from meteors!

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FREE: Learn the secrets of eBay

If you're feeling squeezed by the crunch then a stream of extra cash could be lying in wait in your wardrobe. How so? By selling your stuff on eBay. It's all rather straightforward to start up but if you really want to make a go of it check out the blog of Power Seller Mollybol.

You can sign up to his emails for the "hot news, views, hints and tips about eBay UK and how to make the most out of it." 

http://ebaybulletin.blogspot.com/

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Half-price loft insulation

Last month it was announced that we're all going to get help with loft insulation some time or other. If you can't wait, then head over to Wickes now, where you can get two rolls of insulation material for the price of one.

http://www.wickes.co.uk/pcat/bestDeals

As DFal from Barnsley says, you can insulate your whole loft for £33. But be warned, some of these items are not available online so make sure your car is big enough when you pick them up from the store.

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New-build flats and how to see what they're selling for

There's an estate agent on my way to work with a sheet of A4 posted in the window. Full-time sales negotiator 'urgently required', it says. The ad has been on display for at least a month and it is, I suspect, a lie. One final sorry effort to deny the truth about the housing market they helped to build up and now destroy. Do they really expect us to believe that they're overrun in there and need extra staff to cope? We can see through the window guys! Or maybe it was just an administrative error as it was in this case. I doubt it.

There were a couple of figures out yesterday that the industry cannot deny or hide behind. 1. The biggest ever house price fall and 2. the developer trying to shift new-build flats by cutting the price in half. It's a mess but while estate agents remain in denial they will find it impossible to win back the trust of buyers. Especially with all those empty new flats on their books that until last week they'd insisted were 'worth' twice the price.

Anyone online can see how much homes are selling for. There are plenty of sites with that information. But this one, Nethouseprices, lists the kind of home it is. So once the figures for this year start to filter through we'll all be able to see at-a-glance the amount that new-build flats in the same block are selling for over time. We'll be able to see the prices that estate agents first said they were worth and follow the prices as they go down to more honest levels.

It's a viciously cruel game for people who paid full price to start with but that, unfortunately, is what happens if you listen too closely to an estate agent.

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Doomwatch - a house price storm is brewing

My flat still isn't worth it

House prices peaked in 2003 - expect them to return there

House price news and analysis

How buy-to-let could make a comeback

£10 hotel rooms from 10am (until about five past)

I've got an alert here from Great Getaways. It says, 'Great news! Eurostar services are running at approximately 93% of the regular schedule but due to necessary speed restrictions journey times are slightly longer.' Now, I know what they mean but at face value this statement is the opposite of great news. Eurostar not only isn't running a full service but it's late. Brilliant.

The same may well end up being the case of this 10th anniversary offer from Lastminute.com: '£10 hotel rooms from 10am.' It's a WIGIG offer or 'when it's gone it's gone'. I fear it may end up being an offer composed of another set of letters - maybe just four.

The sale begins at 10am today, Thursday 2 October, [UPDATE: there's another sale on Friday at 10am] and there are only 1,000 rooms on offer. Not all dates are available so you may have to try again and again to find a room. The room may sell out half way through the booking process. Oh, and you don't know where those rooms are. Or how many people can stay in the room. Or how many nights you can book at this price.

But if you are in the market for a family weekend away for one night by yourself in an unnamed hotel in Hull this maybe is worth a look.

>> Lastminute £10 hotels offer

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A risk worth taking in Iceland?

A year ago I booked a long weekend in Iceland. To keep it cheap we had an apartment and took our own food and drink, which you can do when you fly with an airline that doesn't charge extra for check-in luggage.

Every day at this time of year there are three fewer minutes of daylight, which is nothing. Except that after 20 days that's an hour and by the time we left there was only four hours of day to greet us. Snow on the runway meant we had to circle Reykjavik airport until it could be cleared. Our plans to tour the main sites over the coming two days looked bleak. But after a magical swim in the Blue Lagoon in a snow storm, the skies cleared and we had a perfect weekend. We booked with Lastminute.com and paid less than £100 each for flights and accommodation. We took a risk and it paid off.

But is it worth taking a similar risk with your money deposited in Iceland's banks such as Kaupthing Edge and Landsbanki?

The banks arrived in Britain with an aggressive campaign to lure savers with attractive interest rates backed with a feeling that the economy was strong and safe. But yesterday, the country's third largest bank was bailed out by the government. 'Part of Iceland has finally started to melt,' says one expert.

If your savings do not exceed £35,000 (at the time of writing) then your cash is safe. But as I said, it gets dark in Iceland at this time of year. Three minutes every day or thereabouts. But that's just astronomy for you.

Follow the developments here:

Iceland banks: news and advice

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